


Self-Destruct

by trustjack



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drabble, Drunken Confessions, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nudity, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5133914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trustjack/pseuds/trustjack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke is drunk once again and confesses her deep love and self-hatred to Isabela - who's not sleeping, as opposed to what Hawke thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-Destruct

**Author's Note:**

> suuuuper short. i used my own hawke for this drabble and i reference a lot of points from my personal character in this.   
> the song is monsters by ruelle.

_"I got no place to hide,"_

> Moonlight spilled against shadows, forming monsters and treasures on the walls. Seraphine turned away from the wall, eyes darting outside into the cold night. From the open window she could hear shouts and drunken ballads echoing across the Hightown allies, she smelled ale, sweet, suffocating smoke she didn't think she could ever forget and lyrium - or was that just her? Sera grimaced, eyes crinkling in the corners, eyebrows furrowing her forehead, echoes of trenches and old age evident in her tired face.

_"One look in my eyes and you're running,"_

> Isabela lay under her arms, black hair blending into the darkness of Seraphine's duvet, a blissful gleam of peace on her lover's face - something Sera had only the privilege to witness under the covering of night when the guarded woman left her armour at the door and opened herself up to the possibility of love. A smile creeped itself along the blonde's face as she leaned her lips against Isabela's shoulder and kissed the scars that covered her skin. She didn't know whether the night air was bothering her lover but if it had, Isabela showed no sign of it, lying exposed outside the safety net of Sera's covers.

_"I'm coming, gonna eat you alive,"_

> "I'm sorry," The words tumbled out of the mage's lips before she could stop them, like a tsumani crashing against cities, drowning all in their path. She could not stop the onslaught of words directed at the person she knew she could never live without. "I love you. I love you so much. I know we've never said this before but I love you more than I love myself." As the words fell, Sera's fears grew, growing strong with each letter. Seraphine knew. She knew she should stop - she had too much ale again tonight and had came home much too late to find Isabela already slumbering, tangled within the sheets, worry lines still etched on her like fine print. But she could not stop.

_"Monsters stuck in your head, monsters under your bed,"_

> "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your love and yo - your beautiful worried smile - I don't deserve the prayers I know you mumble at night. I fucking love you, Isabela. Maker willing, I love you more than myself and I don't deserve you." The eldest Hawke's whispered slurs that rose with each passing minute and as she wrapped her tanned arms around her lover's chest, her beautiful sleeping princess stirred and turned, wrapping her own arms around Seraphine's torso. "I'm selfish, Is, I'm so damned selfish. I think I'm killing myself. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this - I want - N - no - I  _need_ you to be happy. You're the one good thing in this pisshole of a world and you're in my arms. And what do I do? I kill myself, everyday."

_"One misstep, you're mine,"_

> Luckily for the drunken mage, Isabela did not stir. She lay perfectly still in her lover's arms, soft breaths colliding with Sera's. Eventually, Seraphine fell into sleep, eyes too tired to keep open, she rested her head on the pillow above Isabela's and snored softly to herself; sometimes half-whispers would escape her lips, half-truths of discord and lies, of butterflies and ties. Sometime after Sera had fallen deep into sleep, Isabela finally lifted her heavy head and glanced at her lover with sad eyes, worry lines drawing themselves back into her as if charcoal on concrete. Isabela lifted her rough hand and wiped one of Sera's tears away. "Oh, sweetie,"

_"You better stay clever if you want to survive."_

> She looked like rain in that moment, with sorrow dripping from her bones; Seraphine would have loved her - she was so beautiful.


End file.
